Diluting toxic cleaning supplies lit*er*al*ly DOES NOT make them non-toxic

Truth Serum Thursdays #5

Her: “Hi there. This is Stephanie. So, Jennifer left a message that you had questions about the cleaning solutions we use?”

Me: “Yes. Your site says that you use non-toxic products, and I just wanted to know what brand.”

Her: “Sure. So, we use products that can be found in the store: Fabuloso, Dawn, Clorox, Lysol, Windex to clean glass. But they’re non-toxic because we heavily dilute them with water,” she says proudly.

Me: <short pause of disbelief>

Her: “But we’ll happily use anything of yours, if you’d like.”

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Welcome to Lit*er*al*ly, Ororo, a weekly blog by me, Ororo Munroe. You are reading Truth Serum Thursdays, posts about deeper life shit that The Blunt Twin would share willy-nilly, but The Quiet Twin has doubts (shocker). No needles or toxic, mind-bending drugs were used to write these posts. Thanks for reading.

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I know what you’re thinking, because I was thinking the same thing.

MY ALLY MCBEAL FACIAL EXPRESSIONS

MY ALLY MCBEAL VERBAL RESPONSE

Me: “Are you fucking kidding me right now? You do know that diluting a toxic product doesn’t make it non-toxic, right?”

WHAT I ACTUALLY SAID

Me: <sarcastic laugh> “Yeah, that’s not going to work. We have ECOS products that the cleaning person can use.”

Her: “That’s fine. I’ll be sure to notate your account.”

I told my Dad, and he just shook his head.

I texted my sister: I love how these cleaning people think that a product is non-toxic if you HEAVILY DILUTE IT.

Sis: Wow. How dumb.

My mom is basically unable to take care of cleaning the house, so we had a family meeting about finding a cleaning service that uses non-toxic products. Sis and I made a list then methodically went through it, scouring their websites, requesting quotes, and sending emails when we had additional questions.

We narrowed it down to two and when one of them didn’t come through, we went with Dirt Busters House Cleaning Dirt Busters House Cleaning and Maid Services. On their website, under the FAQ section, they clearly state:

But, clearly, they don’t.

Yet the client-supplied products are required to be non-toxic, biodegradable, and safe for all surfaces.

You got some damn nerve, I’ll tell you that.

They get a point for doing a great job with the deep clean on my parent’s house. It really needed it. The place smelled clean when I got home from work (my parents stayed while they cleaned).

They get another point for good customer service.

And they get another point for being willing to use our products.

But diluting toxic products?

It’s like watering down an alcoholic drink to make it less potent.

But it’s still alcohol.

Or watering down cranberry juice because it’s so strong.

Not gonna lie.

That shit is strong.

But it’s still craptastic fake-ass Ocean Spray with their three different kinds of juice, natural flavor (whatever the fuck that is), and VEGETABLE CONCENTRATE FOR COLOR! #100%cranberryjuicemyass

What bothers me is that this company more than likely has clients with health issues, allergies, or sensitivities to scents and they’re telling them, “Oh yeah, we use non-toxic supplies.”

Do your due diligence, people.

Read the reviews.

Question everything.

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SIDE NOTE

Ally McBeal was a legal comedy drama television series. One of my fav shows back in the day. When something dramatic would happen to the main title character, she would have these hi-larious internal “freak out” moments. What I would call her “real” reaction: what she really wanted to say or do but couldn’t.

AAAAAAAAND

You may have noticed that you were able to read this all the way through.

Without having to pay.

I’ve decided to make these TST posts free to subscribers. The first 4 posts will be re-released in January, then be free for the general public to read.

Surprise.

And you’re welcome.

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