When you lit*er*al*ly end up in the ER after a whirlwind (pun intended) bout of vertigo

Lit*er*al*ly, Ororo, #30 - while finding out how hard it is to buy a yellow cake with chocolate frosting for your Dad's 81st birthday party

Last Monday, I woke to a bout of vertigo.

Whether I rolled to the left or right, the room spun.

The walls held me up when I made the one trek to the bathroom.

My Dad had to support me while I wobbled my way to the kitchen to scarf down a couple of Ritz crackers. By the time 130pm rolled around, I texted Older Sis and asked her to take me to urgent care when she got off work.

Where they did an EKG.

And the doc said I needed to go to the ER, right now, because I had a Branch Bundle Block. Which meant my heart was beating twice without relaxing in between.

Older Sis and I looked at each other then back at the Doc, and I’m all, “The ER. Like. Right now-right now?”

Doc looked me dead in the eye and said, “Right now.”

So, off we went to the hospital where Older Sis and I had been born.

Where they did another EKG, a CT scan, did the follow-my-finger-with-your-eyes test, and took some blood.

Did you know it’s urgent care protocol to direct you to the ER when they get an abnormal EKG reading? Yeah. Me neither. We learned that while in the ER.

The ER Doc—who looked like an older version of Kristi Yamaguchi—mentioned Meniere’s Disease because I had mentioned the occasional tinnitus and ear being plugged. She mentioned doing the Epley Maneuver, prescribed meclizine as needed for dizziness, ondansetron as needed for nausea, and methylPREDNIsolone (yes, it’s really spelled in caps like that) to get the vertigo under control <Side Note: I stopped taking this after the second day because it’s a steroid and I’m a lightweight when it comes to hard liquor and hard-ish drugs. I could feel my mood change and I can’t afford to lose my job>, then sent me home with the advice to check in with my primary, a neurologist, and an ENT.

I missed three days of work, and I wasn’t mad about it.

I also missed answering journal questions. Sorry ya’ll. Life, y’know?

What I was mad about was the fact that a yellow cake with chocolate frosting is like a fucking unicorn in this town. To which I say,

FUCK YOU

Frys.

Safeway.

Walmart (for not even answering your goddamn phone!).

Costco.

AJ’s Fine Foods (you are NOT fine).

Nothing Bundt Cakes (why do you only have the cream cheese frosting option?).

NAMI. (Um. Yellowish vanilla cake is not yellow cake. It’s just, y’know. Not)

Like, seriously? No one fucking wants a yellow cake with chocolate frosting? I find that hard to believe.

I give Pasteleria Elizabeth a huge Thank You for coming through in the eleventh hour (we needed it by Friday and it was Thursday). But it isn’t worth $75.97 when you can’t spell (81th instead of 81st) and the cake is 8 inches of chocolate frosting and about 3 inches of yellow cake.

Pretty sure I overdid it because I was EXHAUSTED when everyone left Friday night. I took a hot shower by candlelight that night. Probably not the best thing to do considering what I had suffered earlier in the week, but well,

Needless to say, the universe was speaking to me when I pulled this card from my Listen B*tch deck.

I’m still recovering

Until next week…

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